Sense of Humor! Definitely Beautiful!

I've always been proud of my sense of humor. I'm not sure everyone thinks its beautiful. But I like it. I can laugh at myself and make the world's biggest fool of myself and I really don't care what people think. Well that's a total lie. I do care what people think far too often (and that's definitely a different entry entirely). I tend to care more when I'm alone. But if I'm with friends, I want them to have a good time so I will make an absolute idiot of myself to make someone I love smile.

I think sometimes I pride myself on being classy. I do tend to be in a world where its expected of me. I sing with the local philharmonic and in a chamber choir. You can't do that stuff in that world. My God people would have an aneurysm!

Though even in that world I find moments where I can make people smile. There is this one incredible conductor who comes into town at least once yearly for Messiah. He's wonderful, he inspires me. He does this thing where he makes a total fool of himself (court jester type fool and I love it) by playing Handel himself for a performance. Trust me you have never seen such amazing conducting as when a man can keep an orchestra going with wine in one hand and a turkey leg in the other. Anyhow... Maestro also makes me laugh enough to earn me a bad reputation in the chorus. He's such a joy to be around and even for a man, he is beautiful!

Hmm... even at work I find myself to be a little more straight laced than I'd like (the whole professional image and such). Really I'd like to play the fool more often but I tend to try to keep things going and professional. I am an assistant after all!I've been improvising for years (or trying to at least)... I love that it teaches me to laugh at myself. I see so much joy and beauty in laughter. It is a curative and brings people together. I know someone who is a member of clowns without borders. In my mind, this woman is an absolute angel. I'm sure she doesn't see it. But she goes half way round the world to South Africa to do clown shows in the most remote places in not the best conditions (her stories of her adventures are fantastic). I LOVE the photos she brings back. Of her and her clown friends and thousands of smiling children. My heart smiles when I see these images. And to me they are beautiful. And in them, to me, my friend is absolutely captivating.

I love bowling, It's one of my favorite activities. I'm terrible at it. But its a great way to get to know someone. Today, I kept listening to the "cool kids" group next to us. A little competitive and they were showing off to each other a bit. One of the guys mentioned he couldn't let the girl in the group beat him or he'd play 'till midnight. My God!!! Loosen up!

My group had a girl who was playing her first time... and I think she had fun. So we had her, and she was obviously a little shy about it. But I tried to celebrate gutter balls and claim I was number one when I only got one pin down, and she seemed to realize it was just a game for fun and she started doing the same (and I must say she got a strike and a spare on her first game... pretty damned good in my honest opinion). I think it really was beautiful how she got in there and tried!

The other girl was awesome as well. She was kicking our buts, but even if she only got one or two pins down we'd get the goofy booty shake! The "cool kids" in the next row probably didn't like being stuck with freaks! On the outside they were all the "good looking" types, but I wish I could see them truly let loose and have fun. Forgive me but that's much prettier than pecs on a man or a fancy die job on a woman. Let your inner person shine! Be beautiful!

I should explain the photo on this post. I LOVE IT! I was out with a girlfriend taking shots for a headshot I needed for an audition. She got some fabulous shots but it took me a bit to loosen up (yeah I'm still very concious of how I look). There was this one part where she wanted a particular look from me and I had no idea what she meant. So the above shot is this kind of confused red neck look I got. At the bottom here, I'll post the shot we went with. Another side of my beautiful personality! I wish I could have used the hillbilly shot... but of course, it's not professional... I went with this one, but when its the inside coming out... it's all beautiful! Goofy or straight laced!

Photo credits for this post: The lovely Erinn Watson!

Came across this on a friend's blog...

I came across this on a friend's blog... I never cease to be amazed by some of the lovely things men say about women. I'm linking to his blog so you can read it for yourself.
http://still-waking-up.blogspot.com/2008/02/let-it-go-to-her-head.html
May every girl let it go to her head!

Bald is Beautiful... it's not cliche!

So I've been meaning to blog about this forever. It was the first real photo project within my beauty project. I got the CD of photos from the photographer (or more her former boss) so now I'm blogging it! All the photos in this are untouched except the first one (the backdrop was wrinkly). After all, this is about True Beauty, not photo shop beauty! All photos were taken by Erin Bareham, the before photos were in a studio, the after photos were taken in and around Banff.

A friend of mine started photography and we arranged that she would do the before and after shoot of me shaving my head bald...

Every woman should do it and see just how gorgeous they are without hair. I'm not being weird. It's true. And it's surprising. When you shave your head your eyes look bigger. It's shocking how gorgeous the effect is.

I shaved my head for multiple reasons. One is that I think I had an awful lot of vanity tied up in my hair. I think to an extent that I would be ugly without it. I truly must admit that after seeing some of the before photos all I could think was how gorgeous I was and how ugly I might be when the hair came off. But I guess academically I knew a person without hair isn't ugly... its just the emotion of it all. Its very hard to get past emotion and honestly, I think this has a lot to do with what a lot of women have a hard time with as far as their bodies are concerned.

Another reason I was shaving it off was for this blog and to prove to myself that no matter how I look I am and will always be gorgeous. Perhaps that sounds silly or narcissistic. It's not. I've struggled my whole life in a war with my body. I'm fighting an extreme hatred of my body, which I will discuss in depth in other entries. After all this blog is for me. To help me fall in love with it.

The 3rd (official) and more selfless reason for shaving my head was to raise money for the Terry Fox Foundation. You see, it was the first ever National Shave Your Head at Work Day. Held September 14, 2007 (yes this blog is VERY overdue!). Cancer is pretty personal for me. Both my Grandfathers had Kidney cancer, my Mom had Breast cancer and I had 4 tumors removed from my ankle. I want this to be the disease that is hard to explain to our children. Let me explain that. When I was a child, I learned that Roosevelt had Polio. My Dad tried really hard to explain it and how we can't get it now from vaccinations but it never really meant anything to me because I never met anyone with Polio. I did later in life meet a girl from India who had it as a child and the whole thing hit close to home. But really when my children ask what Cancer was I want to be able to tell them it's something that won't really have that big of an effect on them.

The actual head shave was fun. It didn't bug me much, after all hair grows (literally) like a weed out of your head. My friend Paul came along and tried to get photos of it... however the lighting was terrible so they didn't turn out too well. They divided my hair into 4 sections, braided them (for donation purposes), hacked off the braids, and then shaved it all off. I giggled the whole time (those razors tickle!) and a couple ladies watching were crying! I thought it silly but I guess that shows you just how emotional hair is for us women.

I think the harder part of this whole thing has been as my hair has grown in. It grows in funny (and if you don't cut it starts to look like a mullet... Cut the tail!!!!), and I have a hard time styling short hair. Frankly long hair is easy, wash it and if its in the way tie it back, no styling really involved! I must also admit its hard not to have gorgeous hair to hide behind. I had a lot of fun with the bald head. People like to rub it and its easy to care for. But I do know now, that pretty much no matter what happens to my appearance, I will always be incredibly beautiful. I'm also starting to learn that beauty truly comes from inside.

Peace

I haven't been posting because I've been rather busy. I can say that in the midst of some nasty crap that I've found peace like I've never found before. I'm also working on 2 really exciting projects for this blog. I'm just trying to find people to help. Hopefully will have that up soon. I won't say much about it but that some of it is based on the water crystal project by Dr. Emoto. Check it out at www.hado.net. I still haven't posted anything about the body painting as there have been no photos yet. I might just post without. Stay tuned, it is all coming!

I haven't abandoned this project...

Perhaps I need more accountablility. Perhaps not. Some days I just want to get on here and blog. I don't. I'm also hoping to work with a photographer to get some of my ideas out there, but in a different way. Visually I guess. I need to find someone willing to have fun and go on my tangents. I'd also love to get some music up here too.

Some days I think I don't blog because I doubt I have beauty at all. I know that isn't true. All women do. All human's do really. Let me explain. I've always thought nature beautiful. Even the distructive ugly parts (like one animal eating another). So I believe all humans should be beautiful... but how are humans part of nature? Well that is the biggest disconnect nowadays it seems. You see, I think humans are just animals. I remember hearing the head of Restoring Eden (an environmental group in the US) Peter Illyn talking. He is an amazing speaker. I remember hearing him talking about many things, but he was talking about some boys at the zoo. One of them said to the other "Dude, look at the animals!" Peter piped in, "Dude, you ARE animals." I just LOVED that picture. Anyhow. I believe I'm part of nature. As much as I don't feel like it (and live in a city that is a palace of concrete), I am there. To me, all nature is beautiful, so I must be too, even if I don't see it. Wow what a tangent.

I've also had a lot of conversations with people that maybe I should write about... For example a friend recently who is a wonderful single dad raising to gorgeous young girls... some of his comments had me thinking, and I might interview him for this. I guess I need to dedicate more time to this! Maybe in doing so I'll learn to love myself for the beauty that is seen on the outside and seen in my heart.

"Learning to love onself is the begining of a lifelong romance." -Oscar Wilde

Definition

My desire to find my own beauty has me searching for the definition of beauty...

First of course Wikipedia:

Beauty
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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For beauty as a characteristic of a person's appearance, see Physical attractiveness. For other uses, see Beauty (disambiguation).

Beauty is a dominant theme in western art, as evidenced in Nymph with morning glory flowers by Jules Joseph Lefebvre.
Beauty is a characteristic of a person, place, object or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology and culture. As a cultural creation, beauty has been extremely commercialized. An "ideal beauty" is a person who is admired, or possesses features widely attributed to beauty in a particular culture. A number of historical individuals have become icons of beauty, including Cleopatra VII, Helen of Troy, and Marilyn Monroe.
The subjective experience of "beauty" often involves the interpretation of some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature, which may lead to feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is a common phrase that expresses this concept.[1] In its most profound sense, beauty may engender a salient experience of positive reflection about the meaning of one's own existence. An "object of beauty" is anything that reveals or resonates with personal meaning.
The classical Greek adjective beautiful was καλλός. The Koine Greek word for beautiful was "ὡραῖος",[2] an adjective etymologically coming from the word "ὥρα" meaning hour. In Koine Greek, beauty was thus associated with "being of one's hour". A ripe fruit (of its time) was considered beautiful, whereas a young woman trying to appear older or an older woman trying to appear younger would not be considered beautiful. ὡραῖος in Attic Greek had many meanings, including youthful and ripe old age.[3]

For the full page click: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beauty

I also checked Dictionary.com:
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source - Share This
beau·ty

/ˈbyuti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[byoo-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -ties.
1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
2. a beautiful person, esp. a woman.
3. a beautiful thing, as a work of art or a building.
4. Often, beauties. something that is beautiful in nature or in some natural or artificial environment.
5. an individually pleasing or beautiful quality; grace; charm: a vivid blue area that is the one real beauty of the painting.
6. Informal. a particular advantage: One of the beauties of this medicine is the freedom from aftereffects.
7. (usually used ironically) something extraordinary: My sunburn was a real beauty.
8. something excellent of its kind: My old car was a beauty.
—Synonyms 1. loveliness, pulchritude, comeliness, fairness, attractiveness. 2. belle.
—Antonyms 1. ugliness.

Again, full page as well as pronunciation (for those who might be new to English): http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beauty

I remember watching a facinating documentary called "The Human Face" on BBC. I would really like to see it again. I might try ordering it. Something that really stuck out to me was the whole "facial mask" thing. Some scientists had come up with a mathmatical formula (sort of) to determine if a person was pretty. It created this shape called that they would place over a photo to see if a person was pretty. It seems so strange to me. But I guess that we as humans are that predictable.

Coming Soon

I've recently been on a quest to discover my own true beauty. Some call it inner beauty. I know that every woman is beautiful. I must admit it is something I struggle with. I've spent a good deal of my life scrutinizing my own looks and doubting my beauty. If anything I've had a real hate towards my body. My goal is to prove to myself that I'm gorgeous and captivating in my own right. Even when I don't think that I am. I'd also like to encourage and inspire other women to do the same.

Soon I will start posting pictures, revelations and reflections on my own beauty. The goal is not vanity. Simply to discover the beauty that I know lies within myself.

This is a video that inspires me on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaoW-qh3cos

I think the words at the end mean dare and change. I'm not sure.